Dear Captors-to be,
Well, I guess it was just a matter of time. You've been monitoring our movements via the World Web Interweb and once you caught wind of the Hinder/Eddie Money hookup, there were no remaining questions about humanity's inability to distinguish between right and wrong, good and bad, shit and shinola.
Though I wish it had never come to this, I pledge to do my very best in polishing your spacecraft, sweeping the streets and burying my fellow humans.
Your humble servant,