Matablog

Brooker’s Latest Unnovation

November 14th, 2006 at 1:16 pm by Gerard

brooker1114.jpg

Already in a foul mood after having his teeth whitened (just read the whole article, I can't cut and paste everything), TV Go Home / Screen Wipe's Charlie Brooker flexes his knowledge-sharing muscles in today's Guardian.

Presenting an exciting first in interactive technology! The Ignopedia is the world's first* paper-and-ink encyclopaedia. Unlike Wikipedia, which is created by hundreds of users, the Ignopedia is written entirely by a single sub-par human with little or no awareness of the facts – building week by week, entry by entry, into a uniquely unreliable resource. *apart from all the other ones

Whee Whee Telly Windmill, 3pm, BBC1

Desperate 24-hour experimental broadcast aimed at brightening the national mood, consisting of face-on footage of a brightly coloured novelty paper windmill accompanied by captions urging the viewer to blow each time it starts revolving, thus enabling a depressed and alienated populace to momentarily amuse themselves by imagining this charming toy from an altogether more carefree age is spinning on their behalf.

Music by Lemon Jelly

Producer Limp Substitute

Subtitles … 888

Goblin
A goblin (pronounced "goblin", or, if you're a cartoon Frenchman, "goh-bleeene ") is a mythical green-skinned, pointy-eared creature that hangs around dungeons attacking people with swords. Appearing in the easier stages of computer games, they are rarely elevated to "end of level boss" status, which goes to that fire-breathing dragon which flashes red when you hit his weak spot, and, just when you think you've killed him, he sort of spins into the air and, if you don't jump at just the right moment, the shockwave takes half your health off and I've been stuck on it for five hours and I'm sick of it; I mean, I've already got one job I hate, I don't need another, especially one that pays in those stupid little virtual coins that bounce around when you split open one of the treasure chests, guarded by goblins, green-skinned pointy-eared creatures that DON'T EXIST, which is why I suggest you concern yourself with something worthwhile, like Iraq, or tooth-whitening, you trivial bastards. You sicken me

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5 Responses to “Brooker’s Latest Unnovation”

  1. Annette Says:

    If they’re hiring, I want to be a part of it. None of this serious music biz stuff for me. I just want to write about an article about the giant seagulls that inhabit Camber Sands and Christian naturists.

  2. Ruairi Says:

    The final episode of Screen Wipe this year was USA-based, so the opening credits were mocked up to look like the opening credits of underrated and now forgotten BBC show ‘Entertainment USA’, which was presented by convicted celebrity paedo Jonathon King. Just thinking of it (the credits, not celebrity paedo Jonathon King) gives me uncontrollable giggles.

    But don’t take my word for it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=RaxlK9ByRHE

    And here’s what I was attempting to describe to you the other day, Gerard; Charlie reviewing what looks like the most evil, reprehensible piece of programming ever: http://youtube.com/watch?v=RaxlK9ByRHE

  3. Gerard Says:

    funny you mention Mr. King, Ruairi, as I believe Alan McGhee is circulating some sort of online petition to have the disgraced DJ’s BPI Man Of The Year trophy taken away. Just because the year in question was 1923 doesn’t mean this isn’t a very serious issue worthy of our concern.

  4. Ruairi Says:

    Poor Jonathon King. In 1923, nobody really minded if you had allegedly consensual sex with an underage boy. He just wasn’t made for these times.

    Alan McGee? Really? I suppose it’s good he’s being civic-minded, but it’s a little odd that he’s gunning for Jonathon King. Did he give 18 Wheeler a bad review or something?

  5. Gerard Says:

    surely Alan can take an look-out-for-the-kids without having an ulterior motive.

    besides, if you had to lock up everyone who didn’t like 18 Wheeler, there’d be no room left for the real criminals.